I didn't realize how much photography was a part of me until it was no longer in my life. I feel like a part of me is missing, there is an emptiness there. Is it the art that I miss or is the people? Is it the creative outlet or is it the money? I honestly think it is all of those things but most of all it is the beauty. It is creating beauty.
I told Travis a few months back that I believe that is my purpose in life. All of the things that I love to do ultimately are ways of creating beauty. I love to sing, to dance, to decorate, to garden, to write, to photograph, to color, to cook. All ways of creating something beautiful. It may sound silly but it is who I am. And so I miss being a photographer. I loved coming up with elaborate photoshoots, the editing, the storylines. I loved the bond I had with my clients. I love creating a small piece of magic for my clients, and the other people who viewed my work.
I often think about getting back into it but then I think how I don't really want to start over from the bottom, I think about how old I am, how out of shape, how I've lost all of my connections, sold all my gear and no longer have studio space. And so I know that realistically I will probably never get back into photography like I used to.
I do hope that I can get into at least a wee bit. I've been wanting to get a new 70-200 lens so that in the Spring I can photograph the birds that like to visit the gardens. I didn't exactly mean to leave photography. It happened when we moved at one point and life got a bit upended for us for a while. We moved around a bit and once we finally found a new forever home once we got settled we had a family tragedy. That tragedy really broke me for a few years and in the time I realized I just stopped being a photographer. In that time I had a lot of financial issues and had to give up my website, my website domain name, sell a bunch of my gear etc
It has been almost five years since all of that happened. In businesses terms that means you may as well never existed. So maybe someday I will hit the lottery, get some gear and at least do some art for myself if not doing full on portrait sessions. And honestly I'm ok with that. I never loved the boring traditional family portrait type thing anyway. I always loved doing fine art portraits, fantasy portraits, kids, tweens and teen portraits, glam portraits and boudoir portraits. This things gave me a bit of creative freedom.
I was super fortunate thought out the years to build a great client base that gave me total creative freedom with their portrait sessions.
And so maybe one day someday I will get to create that magic again and fill that emptiness it left behind. But in the meantime I will create in so many other ways all fulfilling in their own way each one having it's own space in my heart.
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